1. |
Long Gone
04:06
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forlorn and forgotten
I was no one you were long gone
when the bittersweet started
and hope ripped out my heart
before then it was golden
colored in with light
but it always comes back down
and all the colors fade at night
control is slipping through the hands
i'll never hold
and now all I do
is sweat each night
till the sheets are all soaked through
I am long lived
and I am something true
fading in and out looking after myself
like I'll look out for you
it's not like other nights
I somehow made it through
there's something different looming over
and it's bigger than we knew
hold on to golden afternoons
before the blue
I'm swept up in your eyes
fill up my dreams
it's gone so soon
＊
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2. |
✧.｡.*:intro.｡.:*✧
00:54
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3. |
Graveyard
04:00
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I have been biting my tongue for my entire life
like watching someone else live
existing from the outside
glaring like I could kill you
if my brain doesn't get me first
all the birds flock together
the disconnect is so bitter
they call me sacrilegious
I'm hiding in the graveyard
like Satan sleeping deeply I am right here in your hometown
I'm watching shit I shouldn't
she's grieving and I'm right here
I'm watching from the outside wondering when I will disappear
ripped all the flowers out before anyone noticed
every night I can fall asleep I'm grateful that I'm still breathing
I need one patch of grass to last me the whole year
live in eternal springtime just until I finally disappear
ripped all the flowers out before anyone noticed
the mornings hit the hardest
how is it that I'm still breathing?
I need one patch of grass to last me the whole year
I'll see you in the springtime just until I finally disappear
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4. |
What Makes It Better?
04:15
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what makes it better?
can you remember when you're not bad
setting and rising and the seasons
I fall right back to the place
that I imagined would hold me up
what makes it better
when minds are racing past 4 in the
mourning for you is like a fever
legs stuck to the leather forever
I'm trying to come up for air
drift into the background
you said that you loved me and I found out
nighttime gets so loud
it's all out of my hands
wading through the red tide
never happened no one died
third one I've known in my life
never let them see me cry
wading through the rising tide
never happened, no goodbye
every year gets left behind
sweeping up a suicide
my mind goes for miles and miles
tell me what it was like
fill my head up with lies
wading through the rising tides
everything is full of lies
when I dream I go for miles
live forever and swim all night
what makes it better is not okay
try to remember what happened in the first place
the pain that you carry it gets so heavy
that it drags you down
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5. |
Slowcruel
04:08
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if you could, would you let yourself fall in all the way?
if I could I would take on your pain and throw it all away
nothing hurts more than this, cycling happens every other day
seeing you in my dreams hurts the most cause then you go away
memory in the air, slow and cruel just like the month of May
feel the weight on my chest - heaviness will never feel the same
if I could I would give anything just for you to stay
if you could, would you take all you felt and make it fade away?
breaking down how I felt
pain relief and run away
seeing you in my dreams hurts the most
when you fade away
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6. |
Stillness
04:58
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could the stillness in me surface?
used to have it but we lost it
there's no purpose, it's not worth it
to concern the others with yourself
think I burned it
shouldn't hurt but this time's weighted
changed my name to lose the traces
of the bullshit I used to live in
I bloodlet it to the surface
and rise from ashes
I want the stillness
I used to have it
can you believe it?
it hasn't hit yet
that this is permanent
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7. |
Angels Drowned Out
04:36
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Night's someone to cry with
I'll fly a kite tomorrow
and let all of the air out
go up above so numb
to hear an angel breathing softly
under my tongue
I burned it straight through
I move so fast
that the world moves through me too
it's hard to like what I see
when I know the full story
and the angels breathe to me
right there with the worst of them
feel the bumps of someone's skin against my own
I don't look at my eyes anymore
it's a slipping that's been done before
Mortality follows me down the street
and my shadow self is another soul to keep
still need someone to come and rock me back to sleep
shadows come out after dusk and it's my soul to keep
on your own find out what it means to hit your knees
in the night sky he grips on to the kite and lets it ride
I say goodbye so softly,
"I will try not to miss you too much and I'm sorry"
when it comes up
it burns my gut
I tell myself
that I have had enough
I need a win
I'm caving in
I saw myself
so clearly this time
on my legs
the weight can keep
my shakes away
for just the night its alright
all the time
it's on my mind
what's getting you
behind those tired eyes
it's never fine
it's on my mind
and time goes fast
when I'm between the lines
all the time
it's on my mind
what's getting you
behind those tired eyes
it's never fine
it's on my mind
and time goes fast
when I'm...
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8. |
Sharon II
07:19
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Oh I see you holding me
in a blue, quiet space
bedroom haven of my mind
cars outside, I'm outside
watching us, endless trust
I let you hold me and the tears flowed out so quietly
Live in my head or on my bed
far off stare, chopped all your hair off
you're right there and I'm not clear
disappear, disappear
Could this be less faraway?
A daydream where we watch the flowers die patiently
So much hurt, did I make it worse?
Hear my dreams, never leave
energy when I am six feet deep in the ground
but there's some light when you're around
all January, shiny glass and teeth jewelry
It's a shoulder tap that makes you turn the wrong way
but my mouth's so dry that I could never even say it
･ﾟ: *✧:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
your skin turns blue when you scream
since nobody heard you for all those years
and tiny fears bleed into eyes bruised blue
I'd rather lose myself than
the feeling of being seen by you
seen by you - seen straight through - seen so true - seen by you
I let you hold on to what little I show
let you fall deep into your sleep you go
count to three and I'll just let this be
cause I'm in the blue and I cannot move
but we can watch the tears fall so quietly
watch the flowers die patiently
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9. |
Softie
05:12
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let's go down all the roads we used to
make it the same way as before
I wanna know you like I used to
I wanna know you at your core
sometimes I wish I could be see through
maybe you'd see that I've been up all night for weeks
I keep it locked up like I used to
so choked up I can barely speak
it's untrue how I showed up
when I saw you I kept my guard up
balloons lift me up out of my body
I'm not the same I wish that you knew
and every summer I can feel you
I'm in the water arms around and you wanna drown beneath the sun
my memories are only half true
you shut me out I don't know how I'm left here thinking about you
and every time that I'm beside you
I'm brought right back into a self I thought was gone
I'm scared of all the ghosts inside you
I'd rip them out if I knew how
I used to try and tell you how I could see them
and you sink to the deep end
the truth won't rip them up out of your body
I don't think that I can be near you
I lose my air when I'm around you
it's for the best that I forget you
I'll love you from afar
I loved you from the start
I live up in the stars
better when we're apart
my heart is soaring now
moved out of my old houses
won't let you weigh me down
cling on to someone else's heart
giving myself a chance
I'm holding someone else's hands
let go of memory
I am setting my soul free
I want it all at once
I used to drown beneath the sun
rip out the memories
I am setting my soul free
alone is how you left me
all your ghosts swallowed me fully
it's a shame I don't feel home inside my body
all I could hear was my own heartbeat
✿❀✿❀✿
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10. |
Villain of My Mind
05:32
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I'm bringing out the villain of my mind
into the light where I can find
what wakes me is escape route
clench my mouth
sing the same songs to get out
in dreams I find a way out
when I can see myself
the mirror's underwater
but I know the light of my eyes
it stays every time
but when we stay with the eyes wide open
and when we stay with the windows open
and the door locked
it's like I never even changed
stuck in the same place
same bed as always, awake
awake awake awake awake awake
awake, wide awake
✧
I want it all at once
wish it could slow for once
wish that the mending was done
passive in words
helpless in thought
I lose the glass beneath the sun
a body full of glass
can glow
under the light of dawn
✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧
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Clay Aching Burlington, Vermont
clay aiken walked so that I could run
northeast USA
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