1. |
Saltwater
03:21
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hope you're floating in saltwater
relish in your element
I've been fighting you
pull back harder
please preserve what we have felt
I love so deeply it feels crushing
of the limbs
and the soulspace
and on some days
the sun doesn't make it through the window
I'm still moving forward
your silhouette is burned into my mind tonight
soon I won't have sun on my cheeks
for many weeks
you're gone again so soon
to the soul-splitting feeling place
hope you're floating in saltwater
you won't know how much it meant
I'll be sifting gold from the river
you make me feel something close to tears
light pulling
knees buckle
it's never gone you're always here
light pulling
light fading
it's never gone you're always here
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2. |
I felt your absence
02:02
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Isn't it all just the
way you left it
I felt your absence
for months straight afterward
let it all build up like
nothing's lacking
they can only see you
when you let them
giving in so I can feel
the stillness hit
Absence feels like
blacking out
and barely getting home
never letting anybody
ever get that close
you said you'd be coming home
but I felt your absence
for months straight afterward
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3. |
Sharon
03:51
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I've been thinking about
driving
into the lake again
I've done it in my dreams before
you were there
not so far away
compounded systemic sadness
passed around for years
Sharon's in the bathroom
looking in the mirror
for something profound
something flipped the paintings
upside down again
I've never felt the vein inside my neck
pulsate that quickly before
my breaking point comes when I am
throwing my soul around
against the white walls
fourteen years old
bruised blue on the window pane
funny how the memories
all come back to meet you
and I'm still sitting here with a hunger
residual history of feeling disappointment
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4. |
Good Runner
04:39
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running water
is a lot like telling stories
let it pour all over you
I can't help but wonder
what it is that makes you crumble
under yourself
when the eyes are out
running water
is a lot like getting older
can't hold it in your hands
I'm still somebody's child
even when it's not so simple
to sit nicely with what used to be
I'm running out of time
to process
why my shoulders always shake when I'm asleep
I'm running out of time
to catch my breath
and learn the faces always blurring through my head
I'm running out of time
to process what forgiveness means
and if I'm ever willing to release
I'm running out of time
to tap into the water
from back when I thought I needed so much sleep
Looking for forever in the dirt
won't make you stronger
like your mother said when you were small
And I store all my secrets
in the gap between my two front teeth
before I try and swallow all of them whole
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5. |
homecoming in my body
04:23
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I fell further, so deep
through the cracks
into the void
beneath your feet
closed my eyes and I'm right there
cycling beside myself
but it's all too loud
I told lies for weeks
you should leave at top speed
and travel with the breeze
working through the tension in my dreams
surrounded by
the voices on repeat
where does it stem from/when will it leave?
how am I breathing when it won't release?
think of the winter
think of the ice on the trees
I'm beside myself
I'm all stretched out
so wrap me up tightly and show me your memories
I'll paint them on the walls
it might sound sorry that I never told you
how I feel so small
on the bathroom floor
with the broken mirror
I'm beside myself
I'm all stretched out
I'm beside myself
I'm inside out
I fell further last week
because of all the ways that I've been treating me
nothing matters to me
you should leave at top speed
I'll clean up the debris
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6. |
I am barely getting by
03:49
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not quite real time anymore
all my loved ones ache together
shoot up static hit the floor
I saw you spinning off the roads
somehow you found your way home
somehow I just missed the mark
I see more clearly in the dark
run down, cut the cord, it's not so late
run down run me down with all your weight
I keep the pain all over my face
I am barely getting by
I am barely
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7. |
lullaby for craving
03:44
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cigarette thumbs
they float backwards
all over you
it's you I've mistaken for a shelter
I'll sit in the shadows
don't turn on the lights
I always wait for something to strike
the thunder collects outside
are you worthy of my time?
all the scraps from tomorrow's ashtray
but I'll never own up to that
you are the worst
or is it me?
you stick like a habit
the sap on the tree
the one from your yard growing up
I am the voice being thrown
from the back of the room
on a quiet day
and it all fades to gray
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Clay Aching Burlington, Vermont
clay aiken walked so that I could run
northeast USA
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